W05W
Official Inmate
Posts: 101 
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Post by W05W on May 23, 2018 3:48:59 GMT
I am jolted awake by a Chaser, who beats the bars of our cell with his club.
The inmates of Ward 05 are all soon awake and standing in a line, heads down. He directs us out into the corridor and leads us toward the stairs. The splintered wood grain pulls at my stockings as we trudge down flight after flight, eventually coming to the Asylum's main floor. We are directed past the dining hall, much to our confusion and disappointment. Instead we are herded towards the back of the Asylum, down long hallways, until we reach the wide double doors that lead out to the walking yard. A Chaser is waiting at the door with a dirty sack, which I soon learn is full of old bread scraps. We are each handed a meager piece as we are pushed out into the cool Spring morning.
With the weather improved I suppose they find it easier to have us mill about out here when we are not in treatment, and I must say I don't mind one bit. I nibble at my bread as I walk across the unkempt courtyard. It is a mix of cobbled stones and tall grass, interspersed with weeds. As one raised in the middle class I am unused to seeing the dandelions and wild rosemary, such things would be cleared immediately by gardeners to make way for more exotic plants, but I rather like them. There is an unappreciated beauty in the fragrant stalks and bright flowers.
Finishing my bread I find a seat beneath a willow tree, and begin weaving a crown of the dandelions and violets which are growing in its shade. Hopefully I will be joined by more girls as the other Wards are woken and the day progresses.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2018 8:09:05 GMT
Time spent outdoors was always a special treat to me. My partner and I spent most of our time indoors, for he has always said that we are different from others, both of us in different ways, and that we should not mingle with the regular society too much. We made some exceptions, of course, such as when we traveled, but most of our time was spent with him tinkering with different things powered by electricity, and me making different brews and pursuing the arts. So, when I found myself outside of the Asylum walls, with a piece of stale bread, I breathed in the cool morning air and felt ever so grateful for the sun shining upon my face.
Today will be a good day. It will be different, somehow. I just know it.
I nibbled on the piece of bread which I have been given. I didn't want to, but I knew that I needed to keep my strength up. I just wished that I had a little bit of jam and butter, and perhaps a cup of strong English Breakfast tea - two sugars, no milk - to go with it.
I walked around the courtyard for some time, picking up dandelions and blowing them, every time making a small wish. One of the wishes was to find some other flowers, perhaps some herbs as well, for this way I could start drying them and somehow making my brews again.
Spotting a willow tree in the nearby distance, and a solitary girl sitting underneath, I decided to go and ask her whether she would know of any flower patches around the Asylum. As unlikely as that sounded, I still hoped that one of those existed.
I approached her carefully, not to startle her. Or, I tried to, anyway. For, when I spotted the little purple flowers which she was weaving, I could help but exclaim,
'Oh, my, are those violets?! I can't believe it!'.
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W05W
Official Inmate
Posts: 101
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Post by W05W on May 23, 2018 16:02:15 GMT
I smile at the approach of another girl, who has just entered the yard.
"Yes, they grow in all the shady areas about the yard." I answer, gesturing for her to join me.
I have not met this girl before, but she has a very welcoming demeanor. She is smiling and carrying a bundle of dandelions, the seeds of which are floating away on the gentle morning breeze.
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2018 7:48:19 GMT
I squeal in delight, an euphoric feeling of pure happiness exploding in my chest. I can't believe that in this place - in this dreadful place which I have been so desperately trying to make my home without the things which made wherever it was I was currently traveling a home - there is still hope for me to pursue the one thing which makes me feel whole and complete. I can make my brews again. I can't believe it.'That... That is wonderful, just wonderful!' I exclaim, and sit down beside the girl, carefully lying down the bundle of dandelions beside me. 'I need lots of them!'
All this time, I am trying to suppress the thoughts at the back of my mind which are telling me exactly why I am feeling so euphoric. I have been feeling a state of acute mania coming in from four o'clock in the morning precisely. However, I know that I need to somehow keep it in check if I want my plan to work.
I do have some medication hidden away in my cell. If I can carefully divide it, I can keep myself in the right state to make my brew... And do a little tea party for my fellow inmates. After all, I need to get to know as many as I possibly can.
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W05W
Official Inmate
Posts: 101
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Post by W05W on May 24, 2018 22:08:13 GMT
The girl sits to my left and I see the number W24A on her arm. Ward 24, so very far from Ward 5, and I wonder how many there are. The Asylum is vast and we are numerous, it is amazing how little staff there is in comparison. I begin picking more dandelions and pass them her way, as she has stated that she needs lots (whatever for I do not know, but she is so happy I don't bother to ask).
I continue weaving as she collects bundles of flowers, and when I finish I pass the crown to her and begin to make one of my own. A Chaser sneers at me from a short distance but does not see fit to come over and disrupt our pleasant morning, thankfully.
"When did you arrive?" I ask, having not met W24A yet.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2018 7:51:16 GMT
I am beaming as the other girl proceeds to pass me more flowers. It's as if she is reading my mind, and the fact that she does not question me makes me feel like I can trust her. As she passes me the crown of flowers which she has made I put it on, and thank her. This is the first thing which has been given to me here which is not dirty or stale. It is beautiful, and I know that I will cherish it forever. And if any of the guards - or Chasers, as I have heard other girls speak of them as - tries to take it away from me, I WILL fight them. I am ready to pounce and attack one of them as I see him in the corner of my vision, but he decides not to come over to us.
Lucky him, otherwise he would have had to put up quite a fight.
As the other girl - who has the number W05W on her arm, which shocks me as I never thought that there were as many wards within this institution, asks me about how long I have been here, I have to think for a few moments. I have not been able to keep a journal since I have arrived, and my fantasies about breaking into one of the doctor's offices and stealing a notebook and a pen - or a pencil, or ANYTHING I could write with - were just that so far.
'I think... Not long. I should have tried to keep track I guess. How about you?'
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W05W
Official Inmate
Posts: 101
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Post by W05W on May 25, 2018 16:22:47 GMT
I smile as W24A dons her new crown. She looks radiant in light of the sun which is steadily rising above us.
I nod when she says she has not been here long, "I tried to keep track when I first arrived, but it is very difficult. I have spent 3 winters here at the Asylum now." I reply.
I don't even know what day of the week it is anymore, let alone what month. I can only go by the seasons and guess the time of year, but such things don't matter much to us inmates.
"Have you spoken to the rats yet?" I ask, "They are our friends and can help you to get things. I came to the Asylum with nothing but a book of poetry. It was confiscated, of course, but a few weeks later the rats stole it back for me."
If this girl is fairly new, then I hope to help her learn the secrets that we Inmates use to make life more tolerable here, if only a little.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2018 10:01:26 GMT
I turn my face towards the sun, grateful for everything that I have at this moment in time. It might not be much, but I have flowers and I have just made a friend. That is a start. And, as much as my mind keeps going back to fantasising being rescued from this place, I know that I need to try to ground myself and live in the now, as hard as it might be. Who knows, there might be opportunities which would pass me by if I keep only thinking about the future, or the past.
'Three winters? Oh my, that... That is astounding.' I can't believe that she has been here for that long. 'You've survived... Three years here? You must be so strong. Mentally and physically.'
I have no idea how long I will last here. It is not so bad now, but I dread how cold it must be in the winter and how much torture by body can take.
'The rats?' I ask, breaking through my cycle of daunting thoughts which are beginning to plague me. 'No, I have not encountered one yet!'
I used to keep rats as pets when I was much younger, and never understood it when some of the other girls I knew before I escaped formal education - or, left it, as my mother prefers me to say, even though she understood completely why I have done so - deemed them as grotesque pests. I found them utterly and completely adorable, as well as immensely intelligent.
'Are they just like ordinary rats?' I ask, curious to how a rat knew exactly what book to steal back. 'Oh, and also... Whom was the book by?' I add, my curiosity getting the best of me.
It is beginning to look like the Asylum has many, many secrets for me to yet unfold.
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W05W
Official Inmate
Posts: 101
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Post by W05W on May 26, 2018 20:56:20 GMT
I smile a little, sadly, as her eyes widen, realizing how long I've been here. I understand her surprise, as I often wonder how I've made it so long as well.
"All of the girls in the Striped Stocking Society are very strong," I say, "You will surely join us, you are strong of mind. If you haven't lost yourself yet, you wont. We help each other in any ways we can, and that gives us reason to go on."
I nod to myself. Without the other girls I would be utterly lost, I would've died long ago, but for them I must be strong. This is more of a family than I ever had on the outside. I dream with the others of a time we will free ourselves and live separate from the world outside, and from the medical community. Just us free thinking girls in our own haven.
I am brought out of my thoughts when I hear her mention the rats.
"You will adore them!," I exclaim, "They are so unlike the rats that fill the streets, or even beloved pets once kept. They speak and have a labyrinth of tunnels throughout the Asylum, traveling through the walls and helping the girls to communicate and pass trinkets along! I have two very close friends, Ichabod and Sebastian, they are brothers and they meet me in my ward every night. The inmates do their best to save scraps of food for them. They are as much victims as we, for the doctors test strange solutions on them constantly, likely before they are given to us."
I sigh, nothing good in the Asylum is left untouched by the horrible doctors.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2018 20:40:02 GMT
Surviving this long in the Asylum is something that I see as simply amazing. I want to be as strong as W05W is, and I make a quick vow to myself in my mind that I will never give up, no matter how bad my situation gets. I want to keep up my strength, no matter how feeble, and inspire others the way she is beginning to inspire myself. 'The Striped Stocking Society?' I ask, 'Who are they?' I have heard other girls speak of the "SSS", in quiet, hushed voices, and I suppose that is the Society they meant. A group of strong-willed girls, a sorority of sorts, sounds like something I want to find as much as I can about, and perhaps... Perhaps join them, some day. If I am not too weak, that is, and not too much of a newcomer. I just hope that they are all as nice and welcoming as W05W is. 'The rats... Speak? Like me and you?' I am not sure if I entirely believe her, but what I do know is that WANT to believe her with all my heart. I need friends in this place, as many as possible. They days of secluding myself with just me and my partner are long gone. 'I hope I meet one of them soon... And perhaps I can do something about the doctors experimenting on them, that sounds so horrible... They don't deserve it. At all. Even the leeches, I feel so sorry for them too, you know?
I have only had two bloodletting sessions so far and I couldn't help but feel sorry for how the animals were treated. Kept in dark urn-like jars and forced to do things - to suck on my blood until I am so weak I pass out - against their will... I could relate to them.
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W05W
Official Inmate
Posts: 101
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Post by W05W on May 28, 2018 2:36:08 GMT
I explain the SSS to W24A. How the girls wait a few weeks to see if the new arrival with break, or die, before admitting her into our ranks. It is a harsh but necessary system. I tell her that the girls are all welcoming and that she will surely be accepted into our ranks soon enough.
I smile at her look of bewilderment when I tell her about the rats. It is the first time that I can tell she truly doubts me, and perhaps questions my sanity. She is sympathetic even to the leeches, though, and I like her all the more for it.
"The leeches talk, too, you know," I say. "You must listen very closely, they are so quiet, but they are very sweet. As for the rats, I'm sure you will meet some soon, all you need to do is stay up late and watch the shadows in your cell. They'll be there. The ghosts in the walls talk sometimes, too. They are incredibly sad, and you may notice the stripes moving. That's them."
As I say all this I smile inwardly. I do sound quite mad, but these are all very real things that go in inside the crumbling walls of our Asylum. If I didn't have the other girls to reassure me that they, too, see and hear these things I would think myself a proper lunatic.
I finish my own flower crown and place it upon my head, the sun now high in the sky and casting long shadows through the willows long, trailing branches.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2018 11:48:12 GMT
I find the SSS system harsh, but necessary. I understand that the world in which we are living in is indeed harsh, and the situation in which me and the other girls are is even harsher than the ordinary folks' (not that any of us are or ever were "ordinary", that is). I nod, silently, hoping that I am suitable. I have never fit anywhere before, apart from my own immediate family. I was always the outcast, and that was very much the main reason why I have been living the life I have.
I wonder about the rats, doubting the whole idea of talking rats still, but nevertheless, decide to hide some breadcrumbs in my stockings to put in the corner of my cell later. I don't care whether this is something a madwoman would do - after all, the lines between sanity and insanity are so blurred nowadays. My partner has always said that to me. He believed that each one of us is equal, in body and mind, but different all at the same time, and it is the differences between us that make us beautiful.
I have to stop myself from thinking about my partner before I tear up, so I focus my mind on what W05W has just said about the rats and leeches, and the ghosts. I believe in ghosts, so I might as well believe in talking animals.
'If what you are saying is true, completely true, then I shall wait for a rat to come into my cell tonight. It's not like I sleep very much, anyway. And when the time for bloodletting comes again, I shall be very quiet and listen very closely. And for the ghosts...' I can feel myself getting giddy again, for I have not met many people who believed in ghosts the way I did. 'I believe in ghosts, and spirits, you know? I could have always talked to them, even as a young child, I could hear them every night, for my childhood home was very old. I... I am so glad that you believe in them too.'
I smile at W05W as she places her flower crown on her head.
'You look beautiful,' I say.
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W05W
Official Inmate
Posts: 101
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Post by W05W on May 30, 2018 15:38:57 GMT
"Thank you, darling." I reply, smiling, "The ghosts here are numerous, and anyone who did not believe was soon enlightened upon coming here. One cannot deny that there are ghosts in the Asylum, you'd have to be daft!"
As if by cue a Chaser approaches, scoffing. "Ghosts?! 'Ere in the Asylum? You lot really are mad as they say!" He cackles.
I glance at W24A and roll my eyes, but say nothing to the brute.
"Yous two 'ave been sittin 'ere far too long," He says, grabbing my arm and pulling me roughly to my feet, "Don get too comfterble girlie, yous'll be back in quarantine if I sees you gettin too social. You always 'ave been a problem." He sneers, pulling my face close to his and knocking the flowers from my head.
"I wouldn't dream of it, Ivan," I reply coldly, "You and the good doctors have made quite sure that comfort is nonexistent here. As for Quarantine, put me there if you see fit. It wouldn't be the first time and I could use some peace and quiet away from you!"
I pull my arm from his grasp and help W24A to her feet, positioning her behind me and staring coldly at Ivan, awaiting his next move.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2018 8:41:52 GMT
'My grandmother possessed a deep interest in Spiritualism, and-' I abruptly close my mouth shut and look down to the ground as I notice a Chaser approach us. He sneers at us, his cackling echoing within my head slightly, and I am unsure of whether I should stay silent, or try to defend my beliefs. I glance at W05W and catch her rolling her eyes at me, and I can't help the corner of my mouth twitching. 'This is supposed to be a hospital for the soul, after all.' I dare to say this out loud. At this very moment in time, I know I cannot be too forward, but at the same time I want to show that I am not too afraid, and that I will stand up for myself and, most importantly, for all the other girls. I yelp out, however, as the Chaser pulls W05W to her feet and hold my breath as he scolds her, fighting with the urge to use some of the close-quarters defense tactics which my partner has taught me the previous summer. Anger rises in my throat as the flower crown falls from her head. I reach out to it up quickly and clutch it to my chest before he can destroy it. I am surprised that W05W knows the Chaser's name - which sounds somewhat foreign, and can distinguish him from all the others. To me, they all wear the same uniform, sport the same haircut, and have near enough the same features - in my mind, the idea of the 'Chaser' has blended into one superior being. I decide to question W05W about Ivan as soon as we have another rare quiet moment together. W05W's boldness towards him awes me.
This girl here is my role model within these walls.
My fellow inmate pulls me up to my feet, which I am grateful for, as it brings me back from my thoughts into the present moment. Although she positions myself behind her, I take a step forward to stand beside her, in a fight-or-flight stance which is nearly unnoticeable. I look up at Ivan, and notice a scar just above his left brow - how old it is I cannot tell. I can also see tattoos on his neck, which his uniform has been unable to hide, which make me think about my own, the two that I got willingly, and the one with which I have been branded with, and I wonder which kind of tattoos are his.
'My, my, wha' litt'l fighter we have here!' He mocks me, and I simultaneously both clench my fists and try to steady my breath.
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W05W
Official Inmate
Posts: 101
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Post by W05W on Jun 3, 2018 6:06:33 GMT
I see W24A's face flush as Ivan taunts her, and she draws herself tall beside me. Though my face remains stern and cold, I am smiling inwardly, she is a fighter and her spirit will serve her well here.
Ivan looks from one of us to the other, grinning as though our defensiveness merely amuses him. He turns to W24A, "I wouldn't be followin suit wi' her lot." He sneers, gesturing to me, "Back talkin an' showin off for the new loonies always gets er in trouble."
I think back to the last time I had a run in with Ivan. They never end well, but a few months back we had a particularly violent exchange. The shirtsleeves of his uniform are not rolled to his elbow as they normally would be, so I can only assume he's hiding the bite mark that likely has not faded to a scar yet. I was severely beaten and left in Quarantine so long...I shudder to think of it.
As if sensing my thoughts he pulls at the cuff of his left sleeve, frowning, and steps closer to me once again. When he speaks, he is addressing W24A once again, but his eyes are fixed on mine and full of contempt.
"Ye'll do well te learn that though 5W 'ere may seem brave, she's brought 'erself nothin but trouble for the las' three years. It be a miracle her pretty li'l self 'asnt 'ad a ride on the death cart by now." As he speaks he runs his thumb and forefinger under my jaw, tilting my face up so that it is more level with his. I do not reply, because he is right. How I have survived this long is a mystery to me, and I do tend to get myself into more trouble than the girls who would keep their heads down and their mouths shut. I was so different when I first arrived...
I take a step back, distancing myself from Ivan, and before he can react another Chaser yells across the yard.
"ALL INMATES INSIDE NOW!" His voice carries over the cobbled bathing court to where we stand in the patchy grass and weeds, drawing Ivan's attention away.
"Yer lucky its time fer the midday rotation," He growls, stepping back. I know it isn't over, but for now I take a steadying breath and lead W24A back towards the Asylum. As we are filed in, a new group of girls is filed out for their own "yard time". Now I simply hope that we will be left in a day room rather than being taken to treatment or separated back into our cells.
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